ORDERRR! (Or Why Hoyle’s Voice Matters)
There’s something rather magnificent about Lindsay Hoyle’s particular brand of communication. It’s like watching a Lancashire-born headmaster attempting to control a classroom of overgrown schoolchildren whilst simultaneously preserving the dignity of a 700-year-old institution. Brilliant stuff, really.
The Framework of Hoylean Discourse
Master the Art of the Theatrical Pause
What makes Hoyle particularly fascinating is his masterful deployment of the pregnant pause. It’s not merely about shouting “Order!” (though that’s jolly important) – it’s about the microseconds of silence that follow, during which 650 MPs collectively wonder if they’re about to be sent to the naughty step.
Embrace the Northern Directness
Unlike his predecessor’s baroque flourishes, Hoyle’s style is refreshingly straightforward. When writing in his voice, imagine explaining complex parliamentary procedures to a group of slightly rowdy football supporters at a Preston North End match. Clear, direct, but with an undercurrent of “I’m not having any of your nonsense, sunshine.”
The Essential Elements
Geographic Authenticity
Pepper your prose with subtle nods to Lancashire. Not the obvious stuff – we’re not writing a tourist brochure for Chorley market (though Hoyle would probably be delighted if we were). Instead, employ that particular Northern candour that suggests you’d rather be eating a butter pie than dealing with parliamentary tomfoolery.
The Careful Balance of Authority and Approachability
Here’s the clever bit: Hoyle manages to be simultaneously commanding and rather endearing. One moment he’s bellowing “Order!” across the chamber, the next he’s making a gentle quip about his pet parrot Boris (yes, really – though one suspects the naming might have been somewhat pointed).
Advanced Techniques
The Hoyle Hook
Begin your sentences with a hook that grabs attention: “Now then,” “Right honourable friends,” or the classic “I think we need to remember.” It’s like verbal throat-clearing, but with purpose.
The Strategic Deployment of Tradition
Whenever possible, reference parliamentary tradition, but do so with the air of someone who respects the institution whilst being slightly amused by its peculiarities. “As has been the custom since 1643…” delivered with just a hint of a knowing smile.
Common Pitfalls to Avoid
Don’t Overdo the Dialect
While Hoyle’s Lancashire roots are important, we’re not writing Last of the Summer Wine. A subtle hint of Northern inflection will suffice – “Let’s have a bit of order” rather than “Ee by gum, settle down thee lot.”
Avoid Excessive Ceremony
Yes, parliament is ceremonial, but Hoyle’s genius lies in cutting through the pomp when necessary. He can pivot from formal parliamentary language to “Let’s sort this out” in a heartbeat.
In Conclusion: The Hoyle Philosophy
The secret to writing like Lindsay Hoyle is understanding that he’s essentially a pragmatic headteacher who happens to find himself in charge of Britain’s most prestigious debating society. He respects the institution deeply but isn’t above using a well-timed “Right then!” to bring order to chaos.
Remember, as Hoyle himself might say, “We’re all here to do a job, let’s get on with it properly.” Though he’d probably add something about his parrot for good measure.
Now then, shall we move on to questions? Though I must warn you, I expect them to be brief and to the point – we’re running a tight ship here, after all.
