Right, then. Let me tell you something rather fascinating about Sir Keir Starmer’s writing style. It’s rather like watching someone perform microsurgery whilst wearing boxing gloves – precise in intention, yet deliberately measured in execution.
The Art of Judicial Restraint
The first thing you’ll notice about Sir Keir’s writing is its judicial temperament. Having spent years as Director of Public Prosecutions, the chap has developed what I like to call ‘calculated certainty’ – a style that makes even his grocery lists sound like they could withstand cross-examination in the Supreme Court.
How to Achieve This:
- Begin sentences with “Let me be absolutely clear”
- Use phrases like “The evidence shows” and “The facts demonstrate”
- Never use one adjective when none will do
The Forensic Approach
Unlike some politicians who throw words about like confetti at a wedding, Sir Keir treats each sentence as if it might later be quoted in Hansard. It’s rather brilliant, actually. He constructs arguments like a barrister building a case – methodically, systematically, and with all the excitement of a chartered accountant’s spreadsheet (and I mean that in the most complimentary way possible).
Key Elements:
- Start with an irrefutable premise
- Build logical progression
- Reach an inevitable conclusion
- Make it all sound as exciting as watching paint dry (but in a good way)
The Art of Serious Understatement
What’s particularly clever about Sir Keir’s style is his mastery of understatement. Where others might say “This is an absolute disaster!”, he’ll say something like “This represents a significant departure from acceptable standards.” Brilliant stuff, really.
How to Master Starmer-speak:
- Replace “terrible” with “concerning”
- Swap “amazing” for “noteworthy”
- Never use an exclamation mark (they’re far too exciting)
The Structure of Authority
Here’s the clever bit: Sir Keir’s writing follows a structure that’s as predictable as a British queue, and that’s precisely what makes it effective. It’s the literary equivalent of a well-pressed suit – unremarkable yet authoritative.
The Formula:
- State the obvious (but make it sound profound)
- Present three pieces of evidence
- Draw a conclusion that nobody could possibly disagree with
- Repeat
Finding Your Inner Starmer
To truly capture his voice, imagine you’re writing a legal brief that might accidentally be read by your grandmother. You want it to be understandable but also weighty enough to suggest you spent years studying at Oxford (which he did, by the way).
Essential Phrases to Deploy:
- “The fundamental issue at hand…”
- “Let us examine the facts…”
- “What the British people want…”
- “This is a matter of principle…”
The Conclusion (Or As Sir Keir Would Say, “In Summary”)
Writing like Sir Keir Starmer is rather like making the perfect cup of tea – it requires patience, precision, and an almost pathological avoidance of anything that might raise an eyebrow. The key is to be so methodical that you make David Attenborough sound like a tabloid journalist.
Remember: if you’re writing something and think “This could use a bit more pizzazz,” you’re doing it wrong. Strip it back, make it serious, and imagine you’re addressing a rather stern judge who hasn’t had their morning coffee.
And there we have it – a guide to writing like Sir Keir Starmer. If you’ve found this boring, congratulations! You’ve perfectly understood the essence of the style.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go and make some deliberately measured observations about the weather.
